The more practiced at life you get, the better you know yourself. You know your limits. You know things to do that could make you feel better (nibbling chocolate), good (sipping whiskey), and even great (submitting and going for a run), and conversely you know how to get your panties easily twisted, freak yourself out, and how to board a quick train to Bumsville…. Right? Aka: what to avoid.
For me, I know better than to listen to frightening stories at night, or watch the news too late, or involve myself in basically anything that is fear based or anxiety inducing. I’ll clench my jaw all night long and wake up nervous, intermittently. I need a fine buffer of sunshine coupled with a generous amount of well-lit hours to help process the shitty feelings, evening them out by when darkness falls. Like a cow with four stomachs, digestion needs its time.
Last night a wonderful terrible thing was brought to my attention. This wonderful terrible thing involves, I warn you: laughing at the expense of others while simultaneously likely losing hope for a significant portion of the American population.
I know- heavy!
This wonderful terrible thing is the stink-fruits of labor of a person from internet-land who compiled an entire tumblr site dedicated to collecting OK Cupid profiles of Juggalos. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term Juggalo, you can go ahead and click on the word and take a trip to the wikipedia link that I provided because I’m fancy, or you can sit tight for my half-assed understanding while I work it out for ya.
My disclaimer before I launch into a description of this underground phenomenot is that I have never been to a Juggalo’s festival, seen the Insane Clown Posse, nor have I ever even met a Juggalo. HOWEVER I am fascinated by all walks of life and such a distinct subculture definitely merits attention. Basically a Juggalo is a dude who paints his face like a scary clown in black and white, listens to the group mentioned above primarily, is generally overweight and dismissive of a healthy life style, generally tattooed, generally white (trash), (just insert generally for the rest of what I say) poor, uneducated, and drinks a lot of Faygo- the band’s brand of soda. Apparently they spray it on their fans during concerts. A Jugalette is a lady Juggalo, also known as a Neden. At the Juggalo gatherings, an annual occurrence, many people trade in their names for their true calling of Juggalo names. For real. They have a lot of their own ((cough cough) mind control) lingo. They say “Woop Woop!” and this often causes girls to show their ninnies. “But Juggalettes ain’t no hoes.” I’m not one to judge someone one their sexual proclivities, that was just a direct quote and I loved it for some reason.
Here are a song for ya. It’s really hard to stop doing the Dougie after. Am I right? Guys?
You can see where that came from in their promo video posted below for their gathering this summer. I really recommend watching it. In spurts.
Learning of the tumblr site spiraled me off into the outer lands of information gathering in order to present a fair piece to you here. I scoured the website of ICP (Insane Clown Posse), as well as tons of splintered youtube footage to learn more of the Jugallo lifestyle and ethos.
The FBI designated Juggalos as “a loosely affiliated, hybrid gang in 2011”. Watching the videos and listening to the rhetoric I would move to say that it’s as much a gang as it could be seen as a cult following situation. After all, the two leaders of ICP are business men, appealing to an under represented drove of people in the Midwest. It promotes violence, drug use, and blatant disrespect towards woman, calling us “bitches” & “hoes” and the usual misogynistic baloney, and as far as I can see- the only positive message that it stands to offer is that they are all one family. The narrative repeated is that they are do-gooders when they are Juggalos and Jugallettes and they are all friends and fam.And it feels nice to fit into something larger. Seriously, I know this. I looked at enough videos now to where I’m no longer the same person from when I started. Eesh. There are all these other bands that have come out like little minions of them, promoting the same speak as their predecessors. Like worker ants. Little followers spreading their scary, misspelled gospel.
Anyway, it calls to the lonely who work minimum wage jobs and live in towns where there’s nothing going on.
I am now extra grateful for where I grew up.
Looking at the OKC pics made me wonder if people dumb themselves down for this. Truly. It didn’t seem cool to spell things correctly, way beyond cheeky abreves. Down with the man and educational pursuits? And it seemed cool to not give a *$^% about your appearance; teeth, weight…
Are all these people really excepted? All I need is a little face paint and a wet T-shirt to find some lovin’?? Well haaay. Maybe it’s not so bad? My yoga membership is expensive!
Imagine if my article helps these angels get laid. I wouldn’t be mad about that. I mean, I still want people to be happy. And use a rubber. Oh God use a rubber.
Read this article, enjoy it. Watch the videos! It’s a trip. Just don’t do it before bed. Our natural levels of cortisone are down at night and things hurt more.
My mistake.
http://okcupidjuggalos.tumblr.com/
p.s. Gilbert Gottfried will be among their featured comedians at this year’s gathering.
Pigeon Heart Ponderings 
Well said, and … strangely timely for me. I recently unfriended the only Juggalo I’ve ever known. My mom housed a young man for a year who was on the very edge of mentally disabled (his IQ just over the hill- cause that is how we box people)… I was pretty scared when I went home to visit a couple years ago. He seemed nice enough, but had no sense of social cues or real relational ability, and my mom (bless her heart) just wanted to help (her good friend is a social worker and he is/was a ward of the State). He moved out not long after- she could no longer deal with his absolute mess, eating her out of house and home, and stealing her cigarettes and money. I friended him on FB back then, out of sheer terror had I not, but when he became a full-blown Juggalo, I had to bail on that. I kind of forgot we were “friends” until I randomly saw a crazy clown costume with black, plastic skulls all around him post. Like full on clown suit, misspelled insane anti-woman, pro-crazy-talk Juggalo. I hate that he knows where my mom lives. Yep. That’s my Juggalo story.
Wow! Damn girl. That is a good one too. You’re mom! Of course you would have a mother that cares like that. Man, what a mess. I would be nervous too, but the likely hood is that she’s way off his radar by now.
What a crazy way to be though, eh?
Honestly I must admit that there is a small handful of peeps that I don’t unfriend simply bc they are so different than I that I must keep them for entertainment purposes. I have one chick in mind who is all boobs. She’s like one of those hot messes from that ‘reality show’ about Jersey kids, but from Long Island. Born and raised. I’ll show you some day if we can remember! Anyway, thanks for telling your story. What a trip. We will NEVER understand.
Well, now I’m disturbed. Thank you for shattering my ignorance, I guess.
Anytime, daddy-o. An.y.time.
Excellent. I accidentally discovered ICP and the Juggalos last year via a great article on them collected in Jon Ronson’s fantastic book “Lost at Sea”–which I high recommend everyone borrow from the library, or better yet buy….”Miracles” is the greatest horrible song ever. “Fuckin’ magnets, how do they work?” Indeed!
I saved some links…NSFW, of course
http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/things-i-learned-at-the-gathering-of-the-juggalos
http://deadspin.com/5831225/dropping-in-on-the-demented-utopia-of-the-gathering-of-the-juggalos
Wow. THanks for sharing. Though I must say I am reluctant to learn anymore about da crew. It takes up lotsa brain, see? Pretty funny stuff that you directed me to- thank you.
And yes- it is the greatest, and horriblest song ever. Me-oh-my.