My long distance lover. Once I hungered for your smell.
I won’t leave this life remembering the night hours spent on the curly phone. Or the long ride to your door, where my led foot reinvigorated, & I made the state trooper drool from the speed I was going, vs the limit I was unbound by. How he walked to my passenger door with dollar sign eyes. How I considered propositioning him to see if I could get out of it, even though I had no intention of follow through. Was life that much like the movies? How I was mildly insulted that he didn’t seem remotely curious.
How we later laughed when we should have roll played.
Or making love outside against the cold, damp stone of the land-flush organ that hummed at the edge of the city, singing low & mysterious with the ocean’s lapping waves dictating its sound. And what kind of mind would think to create such a thing? And how many other made love on this dark, remote cove.
But how I once had the healthy addiction of morning run to clear my unhealthy addiction to stressful thinking & how I returned to your home, feeling special & thirsty, dripping sweat, so alive, ready for a shower, & to spend time in your open arm company.
How you’d held 1 piece of fruit, & I worried while I washed- that you might fuck it all up, but told myself soothing thoughts: like a fresh, hand-squeezed juice is the most romantic, & something to share, & you’d surely think of me.
And how the aroma crept in & accompanied me in the shower; propelled me to the kitchen.
Where you stood with your now empty glass, sweet, wet lips.
Never did I imagine something so beautiful,
bright,
life giving
as a fruit to usher in demise.
Your scent to me- changed instantly. When you thought not to nourish me & you dried me up to you for good.
Pigeon Heart Ponderings 