Ah life. You are so impermanent. Your lessons so abstract albiet poignant. What are we here for but to enjoy and decipher your cryptic meanings.
Talking to a friend yesterday, she referred to life’s changes as “shiftings”, implying that it’s a steady, time-staking thing- the changes, that is; and not something to expect to see happen over night. I like to refer to these shifts as growing pains, which makes me feel like my pain is not in vain and is heading in a purposeful direction.
One of the big things my X liked to drill into me was how you gotta know your flaws. At the drop of a hat. Know what you’re bad at, where your short comings are, and what you stand to correct. These things should be glaring at you. It was always hard to me to give it all up like that, despite being aware of some…. Can you believe I have flaws?
Unbeknownst to him, I have been compiling a list all the while. My shit list. My very own shitty shit list of what makes me terrible and of what I suck at. Do be warned that it’s relatively topical and superficial, though a step in the right direction of accepting my ugly, unskilled, and not-so-hot-side. Perhaps even a shot at embracing them and “shifting” things a bit.
Are confessions and belittling one self a positive? I don’t know, but I feel like coming clean. Perhaps an ode to you-know-who-you-are. Hope your satisfied, guy…
Generated list of things I suck at:
I. Roman numerals. I will attempt to keep this tally numbered by using them to act and serve as exposing proof of my inability to use them. I don’t even like them, but whatever. Base ten and up are just fine by me, thank you.
II. Biting my tongue when some one has a celebrity look alike. I get excited. I’m sorry. When I told that girl that she looked like Kimmy Gibler from Full House, I meant it as a compliment. I said she looked like her, not that she acted like her! Big difference. Besides, didn’t she know? She really didn’t have to get so mad. Just sayin’. There are occasionally people that I will meet that look like the black version of or the white version of so and so. Do you ever get that? Anyway, I do feel like I deserve some credit, because I managed to keep it inside when I met that guy who looked like Jon Lovitz. Close call. A proud moment of feigned silence.
III. Rushing in the morning. Yeah. I like my time. People that pop out of bed and run around are a different breed. I will wake up 1.5- 2 entire hours early JUST so I can have a leisurely morning. Stretch, walk the dog, make a smoothy~ all very important pieces to my peace of mind. (Plus I would be chronically late if I didn’t, and that’s not to say that I’m out of the weeds on this). ( I think being on time would be the bastard cousin of this Roman Numeral Three, perhaps even meriting a Numeral of it’s very own.)
IIII. Cutting bread. How do people get such clean and thin slices when it comes as a whole? This seems like a no brainer but seriously, how do you not squish the loaf (hot!), or cut too thin/ thick. I’m not even kidding. Is anyone capable of impressive slices? I’m over all pretty good with my hands but…
V. Snowboarding. I biff right off the lift. It’s kind of making me feel crazy because I have some decent dexterity and agility. I can dance, baby! And most of my good friends do it, so I know I can… I just can’t stand sucking so bad at something that I spend so much money to do. Sponsor me!
IV. <Right??
Spelling correctly with ei or is it ie? Damn you, English. You are so bloody inconsistent.
IIV. I’m numerically in over my head, but didn’t it impress you until what 6 should be? Why thank you!
Exercising patience. I am a relativeley typical Aries woman, only in the respect that when I get an idea in my head, that’s it. That’s what’s happening. I get super enthusiastic and must have my way. Working on it.
IIIV. Sitting still. I have reached the point to where I can’t watch a movie with out fake-shopping for shoes in another browser. Yeah, really. Poster girl for Ritalin? Ok, pay me. I am way too fidgety to have a ”movie day”. That just sounds terrible, unless of course, I was terribly ill. Even then it’s hard to slow down.
IIIIV. Staying on a date that I realize I don’t want to be on. I know- it’s fucken rude. It’s rude and I’m sorry. I might see you in hell, but at least I won’t be bored to death. I have absolutely been know to run. I have left bars when the dude has gone to the bathroom. I know, it’s really bad, but this is confession time. And I am working on patience and presence. I know, I know; everyone has something(s) valuable to share. Either way, next time I’ll make up a better excuse instead of running out, or fake leaving the bar like I did tonight.
X. (Yes? 10?)
Road rage. It’s rough because people in Portland are the very slowest turners that I have ever seen. Furthermore, they stop at intersections when they don’t have a stop sign and no pedestrians are present. Those are just the tip of the iceberg. Get a bike, dicks!
IX. Meditating. O how I wish; how it would behoove me; what benefits and gentle rewards await my arrival… My mind is a race track at any given moment. My head-horses are either in full gallop, or are trotting through fields of wild flowers. They breathe heavy and moist, pulling my attention to their pastures. This also goes back to my inability to stay still for an extended period. It’s like meditating makes me fat. I could be out jogging! I find it very challenging to calm the chatter.
Allright, I’m thinking that’s enough exposure for one night. Now you know what makes me the pits. Don’t hold it against me!
Pigeon Heart Ponderings 
Nah… Won’t even think of holding it against you.
I see only the good point about you. You possess the Courage to write.
Most honored you are. Keep on expressing yourself!
Aw! Thank you! i’m honored that you read it all the way through. Can’t wait to check out your blog too! (:
I also don’t understand the art of slicing bread. Actually, if you replaced “IIIIV” with something about picking your nose in the car, we would be the same person. I wish I could run from dates, but no, I stay on them and drink until it isn’t awkward anymore.
Hahaha. La la, we are the same person, remember?? >
I thought this was established.
Try running from a date. It’s a weird, terrible, awesome thing. I don’t know who I think I’m “beating”, but boy did I kick ass! Last night I went out w/ a dude who I met after some fair imbibing on Sat; thinking then that he was sO hot. Well… he was pretty attractive, but holy f*cken boooooring. Ick. How do people get bye in life being so 2-D? Anyways, after drinks I pretended I had to go somewhere and thanked him and stood up. He stood up too to walk me out and then I sat back down and told him I was going to stay longer. So he had to leave. Terrible. Brilliant. Let’s vow to no longer waste our time. We’re too cool. (;
I can relate on the ie/ei thing,but WoW doing a runner when the guys in the bathroom!,that is Really,really bad,i would feel so so guilty for like years haha…
Still its all very well knowing your faults,but personally i think we are who we are and try as we might to change sooner or later we go back to being the way we where in the first place because that’s who we be,faults and all.
Nobody’s perfect, nobody ….
You don’t post very often so in case you don’t post before christmas…Have a Happy Christmas!….
I know, it is bad. For sure. I am working on using my words (;
thanks for the well wishes, same to you of course!!
Hopefully we’ll ”see” each other before xmas tho.
So i love you, with all my heart, and thats why i do this…not only for the funny funniness of it all, but because i want you to never do this again. ;). Ms Pigeon Heart completely fulfilled her first flaw not one, two, but 10 times in this post. The “I”‘s follow the “V’s” and “X’s”, not the other way around. That being said i have to admit that i do NOT know this by memory cause WHO THE FUCK CARES riii?? ( i had a feeling do i looked it up in this oracle we call internetzz) Nonetheless, this crap exist and im sure romans were stoned to death for making the same mistakes ms pigeon made so we must honer the the fallen. Also cutting bread is done by machines. You find me ONE PERSON that can do it right and i will clean THEIR (haha) house for a freeeekin year. IM SOO BAD AT CUTTIN BREAD.
aw. I love you too (:
Ill find someone and you can clean MY house for a year… though I have only seen you mop about 5x. where’s yer blog, brahh?!
It’s all good… we are all perfectly flawed. As for bread, I’d recommend buying sliced bread. Why bother fighting the loaf.. 😉
Ha! “Why bother fighting the loaf” <— Quote of the day! Thanks for reading (:
This was great tto read