I went to Lovetown and all I got was this lousy song. (;
Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
A Song I Wrote
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged art, entertainment, human nature, inspiration, life, love, miscellaneous, music, poetry, video on May 21, 2012| 15 Comments »
Here
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged art, freedom, human nature, inspiration, life, miscellaneous, musings, photography, random, reflections on May 15, 2012| 2 Comments »
Purest form is a mind stark white.
An empty canvas unrushed to dress.
A now now now now now frame that doesn’t desist.
A soft focused eyeful with steady and attended pulmonary response.
Where everything is from the same, original cell~
Once and still somehow.
It’s advanced harmonics at play.
And the breeze blow the trees in unison,
while figurative branches burst to bloom.
The Sweet and Short of It
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged human nature, inspiration, life, miscellaneous, music, musings, nature, personal, random, reflections on May 9, 2012| 17 Comments »
Something has got a hold of me. It’s bigger than my words can net. I’ll try to climb to the top and find a suitable description. Should be a good traverse…
Let’s just call it for now and say that there has been a shift. I find, as I grow older and step into my adulthood more that my capacity to love has deepened. Once again, this hails in the realm of reclamation~ (see Reclaiming Romantic post) when I say love, I’m not specifically talking about with a man, but love of ALL things, large and small. However, I do believe the next time that I fall in love it will be deeper than ever before… because why else go there at this point? Obviously.
The older I become, the more I cry in the name of beauty. Yes, I’m laying it on the table. I’m not a sap, I just get choked up at the good stuff. (I am not a crier in general, with the acception of movies. (Fine, commercials too if it’s around a certain time of month.) It’s kind of wild. I teared up at the park yesterday, all by myself, because the temperature was so beautiful, and the time of dusk was a favorite of mine. It was the time when the lightening bugs would have begun to flash were we in a place that had them. It’s a peek of my childhood; running in fields, catching and releasing. Marveling. It’s amazing how deep the memory and feeling go. If I was back east I know they would have been all over that park, in between the trees, hovering about the field.
A woman was strolling while I was having my moment and I wanted to share it. Every now and then I am compelled to reach out and have a completely random exchange with a total stranger. I asked her if she was from here (Portland, Oregon) and she told me no. We got to talking and it turned out that she too was from an area where there were fireflies. There was a vacant lot full of wild flowers across from the house where she grew up. We talked about the sweetness of them, and then the conversation shifted to bees. It was lovely. It was such a special, simple, and fluid talk. It was one of those things that was so fulfilling because of it’s true and pure nature. It brought me great peace…
Appreciation for the smallest of things- be it memories or stolen moments has simply increased. It’s nice to observe and allow it to run it’s course. Who knew I would become that person ((sniff))? Ah life, you’re such a wild ride.
Random Ax of Kindness
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged attack of the ironic jukebox, comedy, entertainment, fascination station, happenstance, humor, life, miscellaneous, musings, random, random acts of kindness, yoga on April 20, 2012| 10 Comments »
“They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions”. I hear Lauryn Hill in my head singing this one loud, on repeat, echoing behind me when I am being attacked and tormented by the Ironic Jukebox that lives deep inside my cerebral cortex. Haven’t you experienced this? Like when you (I) offer the lady your seat on the bus because she is pregnant and it seems too obvious that there is no way she is not carrying? But she is not, and now you biffed big time? Because you got up cheerfully, telling her that she needs it more because of the baby inside?… This is about good deeds gone bad. This is not to disuade anyone ever from doing something kind, but is to draw on the comical, the ironic, and the ridiculous boomerang effect that takes place every now and again when you have nothing but good thoughts in mind. I think it just might the devil on dial. Somehow he temporarily dislodged from the hot gates of hell and he’s at the control board and the mo-fo has got some dark-ass-humor. Kiiiinda dig it.
That being said, I’ve been feeling rather spritely lately. I’m thinking the spring has shaken something loose. Makes we wanna do something nice for the sake of nothing in particular. I wanna skip but I don’t because I want my lady-swagger, so I move cat-walk style on the streets and around town, and skip a bunch on the inside. Despite it raining like a maniac today (I think Mother Nature is PMSing or something), people out here are starting to stir and be over-the-top sweet to each other. Anyone else out there take notice of this?
Ex: People stop when I try to cross the street. Don’t matta if there are a bunch of cars behind them and I could have just as easily taken the cross walk. Or there are no cars behind them and they could have gone at regular speed and not made such a grand gesture of an event by slowing down and stopping unnecessarily. It’s dumb. I’m partially grateful because of the intention, but the rest of me actually prefers that people obey the rules of the road and get on with it. It’s simply more efficient. Don’t tell anyone that I said that I appreciate a rule. Please. Ok.
Today I was walking my (radical) dog in the rain and decided to cross the street. I was waiting on the curb for the cars to go by (and no, I wasn’t standing in the street) and a car stops out of nowhere for me to cross~ creating a pile up. For fucks sake. Nice one.
It’s the thought that counts?
Several years ago, in my hippy-nouveau days, I took this yogic workshop that focused on Ujjayi breathing. (I was the youngest person there and it blew my (not so) baby mind to be mixing with all of these middle-age, innocuously-strange, middle-class, workers -something rare in Portland as we are a town of retired 30-somethings.) It was a week-long workshop consisting of homework and practice routines and everything. Very involved. One of our assignments was to perform a random act of kindness. I was determined to be as unique and creative as possible. I talked to my roommate at length about ideas which he shot down repeatedly with the caveat of my actions being misinterpreted. Finally he left for work and I was left to my own devices. I wanted to do something that would reach completely stray people. I wanted to encourage them and have them think somebody out there really cared. I settled on the idea of writing anonymous love letters to strangers. Yes I sure did! Phone book in my lap, I pointed slapdash, at where ever my finger landed, wrote down their names and addresses, and mustered up some genuine sentiment for each person. I really tried to meditate on who they were and what kind of message they might have been needing. I felt the vibes. And really- who knows? Maybe the universe brought it. Either way, I did. And I did it 10x. I made ten different personalized and pretty envelopes. I wrote things along the lines of acting like I was someone from their past or someone on the periphery who had noticed big and beautiful changes and growth in them, and I wanted to acknowledge and applaud them in that… This likely took several hours. I do not recall. It sure felt good though! Off to the depths of the mailbox they went, and when my roommate got home and inquired about my project, acted slightly horrified. “What if you cause a fight between couples?” “What if someone thinks their man is cheating with you (but of course I hadn’t included a return address)?” “What if they get scared that they are being watched?!” Well shit. The god-damn flip side. Buzzzzz kill. Good intentions gone awry? I may never know.
One other example I will give you is as follows. It was a couple of summers ago, on a particularly hot day. I was walking passed a highly foot-trafficked intersection where this dude was laying, passed-out on the ground. I swear I watched a bus pull up, people get out, and walk around the guy. Nobody stopped. Now granted, dude was gnarly looking. Crusty street kid, probably in his late twenties/ early thirties. He was shirtless, black pants, tattoos all around, and homey was frying there on the sidewalk. For really red. Zoinks! So up I go to see if I can help. I whisper gently to him and rouse him from his drug induced sleep. His eyes rolled slowly from the back of his head as he looked around trying to get his bearings. I informed him that he was passed out in the middle of the sidewalk and that he better go find some shade if he needs to sleep because he was burning baby burning. He got up, dazed and confused (no really! I get it now!) and stumbled into the street, nearly causing a few accidents, and smashing hard into this old man. He thinks the old man pushed him, so he pushes the poor old guy into the street! Luckily there were no cars there at the moment! I had created a monster. I truly considered calling the police. Eesh.
Anyways, those are two of my tales of the flip side of things. I have no moral to this story. Shit happens. Moral enough for ya?
I would love to hear your experiences along these lines. Entertain me por fa!
Legislation with a Shrug
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged comedy, entertainment, fascination station, humor, miscellaneous, musings, opinion, random on April 14, 2012| 11 Comments »
How about some lawful entertainment? …I’m following the rules today! Well- with my eyes, that is. Fingers too. By proxy. Aaaand that’s about it- but you gotta start somewhere. And I am transferring some still on record legal stipulations that could and in some cases did/ do(?!) land folks in hot water, complete with some commentary by yours truly. Easy entertainment, babes.
As you’re reading this I encourage you to think about the scenarios behind the makings of these laws. I mean come on- for something to get passed from a bill through the house and make it all the way to a shiny law is a big to-do. There are some wing-nuts out there for sheezy. But you already knew that… Ju ready?
Alabama: It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church. They might distract from the hilarity of toupees.
Alaska: Whispering in someone’s ear while he’s moose hunting is prohibited. Save the sexy, primal, hunter/ gatherer build up for the campsite fellas’.
Arizona: Cutting down a cactus may earn you a twenty-five-year prison term. Cacti advocates unite.
Arkansas: It’s illegal to mispronounce the name of the state of Arkansas. Someone’s sensitive.
California: You may not eat an orange in your bathtub. See?? They don’t have all the fun!
Colorado: It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to you next-door neighbor (Denver). One can only begin to imagine what they tried to clean up.
Connecticut: A pickle cannot be a pickle unless it bounces. 5 second rule?
Delaware: It’s illegal to get married on a dare. Clearly they had this law in place before the days of double-dog-dares ever came into existence.
Washington, D.C: It’s against the law to post a public notice calling someone a coward for refusing to accept a challenge to a duel. Are signs on telephone polls considered public notices? How official are we talking? Ads in the Five and Dime? Is gossip a safe, lawful form of information spreading?
Florida: If you tie an elephant to a parking meter, you must pay the same parking fee as you would for a vehicle. This is a very good reason for road rage. So unfair when they park an elephant in prime locations!
Georgia: It’s illegal to change the clothes on a storefront mannequin unless you draw the shades first. Guess you gotta go pay for porn.
Hawaii: All residents may be fined for not owning a boat. Yes! Tax the poor!
Idaho: A man must not give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing fewer than fifty pounds. Hmmm… some insight into the obesity problem maybe? Competitive gift giving and chocolate eating. What a match.
Illinois: It’s illegal to take a French poodle to the opera (Chicago). I can just imagine the pair that tried to bring their snooty, snotty dog into the place. Muffy and Chaz.
Indiana: The value of pi is 4, and not 3.1415. You know, that is what is so great about math. It’s so flexible.
Iowa: One-armed piano players must perform for free. Damn, not even half price? No love. This does make perfect sense, as mastery of any instrument with one hand verses two requires no skill. No skill= no pay.
Kansas: It’s illegal to throw knives at men wearing striped suits. Polka dots make much better targets.
Kentucky: Every citizen is required to take a shower once a year. If only they would make this law in Portland for people on the bus. And in NY for people on the subway. And multiply it by 12. Ok 24. Fine 48.
Louisiana: Biting someone with your natural teeth constitutes simple assault, but biting someone with your false teeth classifies as aggravated assault. Man’s law.
Maine: If you keep your Christmas decorations on display after January 14, you’ll be fined. Like it’s gonna pull the snow away or something?
Maryland: It’s against the law to wash or scrub a sink, no matter how dirty it is (Baltimore). Umm ew?
Massachusetts: No gorilla is allowed in the backseat of any car. Clearly they’re fine at least w/ them driving there. Zing! And I’m thinking maybe that’s who was in charge of putting all those one-way streets everywhere inconvenient. Eh? Eh?
Michigan: A woman may not cut her own hair without her husband’s permission. Michigan: Home of the wuzbands.
Minnesota: It is illegal to paint a sparrow with the intent of selling it as a parakeet. Hahahahaha.
Mississippi: Walking a dog without dressing it in diapers is forbidden (Temperance). I have a solution. Yes- this really exists! And there are choices!! Rear gear
Missouri: Children may buy shotguns in Kansas City, but not toy cap guns. Somethings just make sense.
Montana: It’s a felony for a wife to open her husband’s mail. As it should be.
Nebraska: Bar owners may not sell beer unless they brew a kettle of soup simultaneously. Beer soup anybody? Or is it just borsht by default? Safe guesses.
Nevada: It’s illegal for men with mustaches to kiss women. Finally the government is on my side.
New Hampshire: It’s forbidden to sell clothes you’re wearing to pay off a gambling debt. You KNOW this was a Very Sad Night for dude. Oof.
New Jersey: It’s against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season. Really pissed off the fish community.
New Mexico: Females may not appear unshaven in public. Did Santa Fe secede?
New York: While riding in an elevator, you must talk to no one, fold your hands, and look toward the door. I fantasize about performing social experiments in elevators all the time. Like: “So! How are you? What’s the best thing about today? Are you comfortable talking to strangers? What’s the craziest thing you ever did with a stranger? What’s the craziest thing you would do with a stranger? Have you ever heard Love in an Elevator? You ever made love in an elevator? Would you?” etc. The tip of the iceberg.
North Carolina: It’s against the law to sing off-key. Meanies. Hey! Wait! Are there any famous singers that came out of this place?! So discouraging! Look what happened. Poor singingless suckers.
North Dakota: It’s illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on. Or wake up with no eyebrows and cocks drawn all over your face? O wait, that’s party town rule, not U.S. wide…
Ohio: You must honk the horn whenever you pass another car, according to the state’s driver’s education. That’s just annoying. Nothing cheeky for you, Ohio.
Oklahoma: It’s forbidden to take a bite out of another person’s hamburger. Good, no one wanted your boring, middle of nowhere burger anyway, fatty.
Oregon: State law requires the dishes to be drip-dried. What. the. hell.
Pennsylvania: It’s illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors. I am NEVER moving there. Settled.
Rhode Island: You may not bite off another person’s leg. Yes it really is their law. But what is striking to me is it seems to imply that the leg may not be bitten off with one swift munch, right? What about slow or even tender, calculated nibbles? Fork and knife? So civil.
South Carolina: If a man promises to marry an unmarried woman, he is required by law to keep his promise. Did anyone else just get Meatloaf in their heads? No? How about now?
South Dakota: It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory. Concluding the fact that the moon is NOT made out of cheese.
Tennessee: Selling hollow logs is strictly forbidden. Walkin’ on the wild side.
Texas: You may not shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel. In Texas you face a buffalo like a real man. Mano a mano. Buffalo ain’t got nothing if you’re a real cowboy.
Utah: It is illegal not to drink milk. I am a total rebel in Utah! Yes!
Vermont: Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth. Haaaaaaaaa! “Only when we go out, baby.” Ah! Too. many. jokes. Bottlenecking!!
Virginia: Ticking a woman is unlawful. L is for Lame. At least amend it so that you can’t tickle a chica until she pees, but not a tickle? Not even one? Oh wait- I don’t care.
Washington: It’s illegal to pretend that one’s parents are wealthy. Do you think that some sucka rich babe of ripe dating age got conned by some slickster chap who brought it like it wasn’t? Parents didn’t ‘ppreciate that one, no sir.
West Virginia: If you make fun of someone who does not accept a challenge, you risk a six-month prison sentence. Wow. Touchy.
Wisconsin: Unless a customer specifically requests it, margarine may not be substituted for butter in a restaurant. Well, it is safer with butter it seems. I remember hearing about a test where two bowls were left in a rat infested warehouse. Butter went gone. Margarine went untouched. Supposedly. A la yuck.
Wyoming: Unless you have an official permit, you may not take a picture of a rabbit from January to April. They are more fit in the Spring? Bashful bunnies! New band name?
And I’m out. Hope you enjoyed. See you in Canada (;
Mist & Musk
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged freedom, fresh, inspiration, love, miscellaneous, musings, nature, poetry, random, travel, vacation on March 28, 2012| 13 Comments »
If you listen right, you can hear dreams crackling loud. It’s just an unexpected source is all.
The air is coated with paradise soft burning scents in exotic spice and bittersweet mandarin.
Somewhere not too far- a sultan and sea goddess enact a love scene. Enraptured.
Deserted beach shores glisten where giant blue whales share exchanges several meters off shore, hidden by the protective reflection of the new moon.
Their song mesmerizes hardened sailors, who’s whiskey bites and swishes forth and back.
Mermaids whisper promises:
You can run with me on dry land, my dearest darling
Just come swim with me here, now
The water is divine
Can’t you see the emeralds of my eyes? My ruby lips? My long black hair…
Mar dwelling bird’s wings rise and lift. Effortless.
Gone with the wind
Riding on the current
Trusting in the flow
The sun and moon are polarized- held to scale at equal, opposing ends of the sea.
Someone somewhere so taken by the beauty of the moment asks no one in particular if such a sight can be too strong and pure to be true?
Can something so simple as a vision be developed enough to lie? And if so, why would it?
Tropical trees tremble and shake- slower than sleepy sloths traversing inky, brimming, green~ where leave’s brushing sounds like~
yes yes yes
Bled and scraped by coral are so many knees, intensified from salt intrusion. Stinging. Penetrant.
Little, sinewy, brown boys play games at sunset, invading underwater castles. Small whittled swords. Would you dare challenge?
Every wise pirate has their golden mean.
Imaginations so vivid, owners of sheer will; one day to manifest and walk with their father’s stride; sleek, proud, agile.
The fathers who visit taboo isles of allure with mistresses of the night, debauchery, and tall tales each bigger than the last.
Stepping out in habit to hail the dark, enveloping blue, and scathing the cruise ships for all riches.
Surrender to a life of survival.
Never to fully embody rest, so fantasy must suffice. Sleep fills those pores
Cooling, fanned with palm fronds
Soaked in Kava, preserved in plant medice
Dancing drunkenly, always with one wild eye opened…
Until all the treasure has been knocked up from beneath the sand.
Lightening Bolts as Big as Day
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged art, inspiration, life, miscellaneous, musings, nature, personal, photography, poetry, random, reflections on March 18, 2012| 16 Comments »
Sometimes it is the prospect of possibilities themselves that stop you dead in your tracks. The openness wallops you- you get thrashed back into the cush lazy boy chair; assuming the iconic image of the skeleton sitting before the speakers- his skin blown off by the sheer volume.
That is how I feel sometimes when I want to access creativity.
I hit open mics often. I go. I sit by myself. I’m in my own private little world….
I go strictly for contagion. The inspiration in the room rubs off as the gears inevitably begin to turn and I think to myself: “There are about a million things that have never been done that I could be doing right now…”
Like playing out languid daydreams, fiddling with the reel as it turns; Unfolding ideas.
If your hair stands up in a storm it could be a sign that positive charges are rising through you, connecting you to and reaching you toward the negatively charged part of the storm. It could be that the lightening has chosen you. You can be a conductor. This will be your most important job yet. The brilliance in bolts will be your inward symphony. Your rag tag orchestra will be ablaze with a gaggle of madness and electric splendor.
Will you run inside and attempt defiance in natural selection?
Will you accept the possibilitiy of surviving to perhaps become something of a Shaman? Native folklore tells of the lightening bestowing powers… So will you sit outside and feel the rain now? …Your self inflicted sacrificial moment of Russian Roulette….
I always had this strange feeling about how I might die. I’ve been close to it before. Colorado, where the sky was overtaken by sudden darkness. The clouds dragging greedily across, casting long shadows in their wake. Ponderosa Pines blowing fiercely, whipping their helpless needles about. The smell of ozone and storm welling up to the crux.
We ran like children home-alone, jetting up the stairs, afraid to look behind them, steeped in imaginitave fear of what terrible person might be chasing close.
I saw a deer’s dismembered leg up in a tree on that hike, not far above my head. The wieght of the omen pulling across my back, hindering my steps, slowing me down and shaking me deeply. I was in awareness that it was part of the wild. That I too, was part of it. Could be consumed. Be it by big cat or by the heavens. Part of the raw, unforgiving forces. Far bigger then me. Nature; filled with love but no pity, which by default pulls mercy out of the question.
The deer, a likely victim to a mountain lion, victim of the cycles. And I, running with adrenaline bursting through my heart. Death scenes delighting the caverns of my otherwise occupied mind, where the lightening would pick me, pluck me, and freeze me, sending a specially made spark from below, holding me captive, propping me in place like a helpless doll.
It is all so much- making me want to go home to a place I’ve never been.
It is like being drawn towards a solid wall.
If I went fast enough would I override the tighteness of molecules? Would they forgive me and let me through?
Carry me back . Cradle me with out arms.
Take my orphaned soul and let me cry until I laugh and confuse my own self all over my emotions.
Fill me up and let me shake and burn with the greatest energy. Consume me if you must, but remind me in the interim- that I am oh-so-alive, and let my art explode.
Tagged
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged comedy, entertainment, flava, gratitude, humor, inquiry, inspiration, miscellaneous, musings, random, reflections on March 6, 2012| 30 Comments »
Haaay party people. So- I recently had the honor from the sly, witty, brilliant, and muscularrr MrMaryMuthafuckingPoppins of being chosen as one his top 7 fave blogs. ((((Blush)))). Well! This is perfect for many reasons. Several things happened once this post was posted (hehe):
1. Inspiration. Awww yeah- “I’m so doing this.”-Lisa
2. Scopism. I got to scope his list and boOM! Some amazing writers surfaced that I likely would have never known about; thank you Mr. Mary, writer of the fabulous and cheeky, not to be missed (as he too, is one of my faves.) http://aspoonfulofsuga.wordpress.com/
3. Exposure. I got lotsa hits that day from awwwwl ova the place. Good thing I was dressed for the occasion.You know, my grandmother forever said that we must always wear clean underwear because we never know what could happen. Hmmm. There are so many ways that this could be taken now that I never entertained before. Grandma!
Then time crept in. And SHOCK and AWE- I was nominated by Emily of the shiny, sweet, entertaining http://groundingmyroots.wordpress.com/. Stars! This girl is also one of my favorites, so make sure you check hers.
Then I was nominated for the versatile blogger award by the lovely http://itsabeeautifullife.wordpress.com/
Then, one more time- and I was nominated for the Sunshine Award by the inspiring and sweet http://makebelieveboutique.com/.
I want to acknowledge all of these people and thank them, and now do a sort of hybrid on their questions and rules.
First, the questions, and then, some of the best blogs!
Drrrum roll please~~~~~~~~~~~
1. What’s the best thing that happened to you in the last 36 hours?
2. What are your pet peeves?
3. Did you have an imaginary friend growing up or did you want one? Tell us all! When did you part ways? Was it gradual? Im so jealous! I always wanted one but never got one!… Oh yeah, next question…
4. If you had the power to declare a national holiday what would you declare and why? Details please.
5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? (You have the capital for this one, don’ worry)
6. What do you think of celebrity gossip?
7. What’s the theme song of your day, week, year, or life?
8. If you came with a warning label what would it be about?
9. Favorite quote or joke that you made up?
10. OCD?
11. Best pick up line anyones’ ever fed ya?
12. Tell us something embarrassing about your brain.
My answers to these questions are below my list of faves here. Checky-
With out further ado I present to you~ my top blogs. Enjoy!
* http://talesofacharmcitychick.com/ This woman is my long lost virtual sister. She is spry, real, insightful, witty, and sassy as they come. Total writers’ crush. Only read this if you enjoy laughing.
* http://groundingmyroots.wordpress.com/ The lovely Emily He writes candid, thought provoking, laugh-out-loud, musings. Her writing makes me very happy.
*http://mennlay.com/ Can I start of with Yum? Oh good. You’ll get it when you check her out. Intelligence, stylishness, sillyness… and she holds it down. Sounds vaguely familiar…. (;
* http://heapsofnimbus.wordpress.com/ This man has an outrageous eye. I am not kidding. He has a true gift. You’ll see. The proof is in the pudding. His writing is beautiful, creative, and succinct. A true artist.
* http://dearcabby.wordpress.com/ Because what is better in life then brief, chance moments with perfect strangers helping you suss out your woes? Solicited and unsolicited. Fabulous!
* http://furtherthanyouthink.com/ Written by a woman who originally hadn’t even considered the public being able to see her writing, setting it up for her family… This blog is a collection of her accounts of her life dedicated to travel and stints through out the world. She has a unique and intriguing approach. Worthy read.
*http://thesandytongue.wordpress.com/ Fucken yes. Give it to me. You sharp, quick witted, mo-fo. Yes you. You’ll be glad you check this dude out. He doesn’t hold back. Thank goodness.
So there are my blog choices. Everyone I mentioned on this little post. You are all just lovely. More please! Bless your creativity. Aaaand answer my questions!
1.What’s the best thing that happened to you in the last 36 hours? Me? Oh, well I think that would have to be getting out of the city and hiking up in Washington, and then hitting a super stashy outdoor boulder for climbing that only like 5 dudes know about (I won’t tell and you can’t make me!) and getting a feel for the cold, bold rock. (Dirty sounding, eh? You like it.)
2. What are your pet peeves? I’ll give you two. First, it makes my eye twitch when people say the word “guestimate”. Are you serious? You redundant little… Come on! An estimate is an educated guess. For crying out loud. You sound like an asshole. God, I feel better already. And also- “chillaxing”. Really? Gross. Second, when people park their bikes over a bar, taking up 2 spots instead of one. Use your front wheel and your fork, peeps, not the whole freaking frame. It’s just as safe! Ahhh!
3.Did you have an imaginary friend growing up or did you want one? Aw boy did I ever wish that I did. I wanted one so bad. I thought you either had one or you didn’t. I couldn’t fake the funk but I sure was open to it. Just never happened. Good thing my dolls were alive…
4. If you had the power to declare a national holiday what would you declare and why? Details please. I have a few in mind. For the sake of this Q, I’ll give you one, as I intend to write a rather entertaining (ahem) post of this: National Dress Like a Ho Day. Bare with me. I am saving Halloween! It is painfully obvious that American’s are sexually repressed. Come Halloween- the end of chilly chilly October, the opportunity arises to dress up in whatever people’s hearts desire. The majority of women take this time to dress pretty skanky and that is totally their prerogatives. Now, the problem that I have is that Halloween is not being honored. When else is the veil between worlds the thinnest? When else can we slip together into that spooky spirit? It’s so cool!!!!! It’s my favorite holiday and it is being sullied by these poor, repressed people! Lets have National Dress Like a Ho holiday in the summer. That will please everyone.
5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Buenos Aires, Argentina. Cosmopolitan, foxy, healthy… Close to tropics, ocean, and glaciers? Ok!
6. What do you think of celebrity gossip? Rrrrubbish. Knowing famous people’s dirty laundry is a fascination that sounds awfully boring.
7. What’s the theme song of your day, week, year, or life? Hmm, I pick year so far.
8. If you came with a warning label what would it be about? Um, don’t piss me off? Hm, that’s not good enough. Let me think. I stumped myself! Extremely picky eater? No, that’s lame. Fickle. Yeah, that’ll do. Shoot, sorry. Do better then me on this- such a good question!
9. Favorite quote or joke that you made up? How did Italians invent spaghetti? They used their noodles! hahahaha.
10. OCD? Must. sweep. Ok, fine, also if I spin around one way I have to unwind myself the other way. Whateva whateva
11. Best pick up line anyones’ ever fed ya? It’s a tie: Someone a while back told me I had the eye of the tiger. I believe they were completely sincere. Recently a hippy man told me that I was one of the 9 daughters of Zeus. SSsssnap!
12. Tell us something embarrassing about your brain. This is bad. I apologize in advance if I offend anyone: Oftentimes from afar when I see an obese person- I think it’s two people making out. I’ve come to terms with this in the last year. I don’t know why this happens. It’s not by choice. So strange.
Happy Got Better
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged bizarreO land, comedy, entertainment, fascination station, health, humor, miscellaneous, musings, Politricks, random, strange design on February 27, 2012| 8 Comments »
Here lies a formal request for a bit more of your attention in perusing the proceeding words than that of the ones that I normally post.
This is an interactive one, kids; reading far more effectively if you would please affix a fair and cheeky British accent to it, and at about the half way point, take on the cadence and musical accompanyment of the lullaby: “Hush Little Baby”…
Well! What do you know!? I just looked it up to make certain that the name was correct, and not say, called “Mockingbird” and guess what- it is British too!
We are smoking!
Ok, and I will let you know when the melody kicks in, so have no anxiety.
The background here is that this stems from an ongoing debate that I have been privy to a few times concerning “average and normal” people taking anti-depressant medication to “be even happier”. Yes, this is on the table now. The implications are rather tremendous, as it holds thought processing (and emotional, spiritual, intellectual, life experience… growth) in the balance. It’s a popular discussion.
When happy is just not good enough… I thought of it as what follows~
(((accent begins now)))
Life is like holiday with cosmetic neurology-
Where everything good just got BETTER.
When you look at ya’ mug and your face is just snug, rest assured- you’re no longer a fretter.
You say you are fine; no nagging complaints, or major frights.
But you’re human and bound to get nervous.
So riddle me this and you’ll owe me a kiss as for you do I ever have a service!
Now what would you say, aside from that I made your day, if I told you that you might never loose your smile?
Could you ever believe that sheer bliss could be achieved, by yours truly if you’d listen short while?
Well I’ll bring the news that comes in capsules and tubes, while you put these in your mouth and say bye bye to the blues…
<< begin lullabye tune now (moderate amount of pep)>>
Say so long to the wayward ups and downs.
Farewell to the questions that ran you around.
Be gone with the wonder and daily stresses of life.
Am I enticing and tickling your fancy allright??
So let’s say the perma-grin that your working towards,
starts to crack the skin- it’s not much of a chore.
There’s no need to fret over a tiny few wrinkles.
Don’t like what you see? Here- just take these pink pills.
Now we’re hopped up on meds and it swimmies our heads, but we’re happier now then anyone ever named Fred.
It’s ok if your voice sounds pinched a couple of octaves,
or you have a sinking sensation,
or feel trapped in a cockpit.
The side affects are nil and the benefits gargantuan,
For ever so happy, who needs thoughts to think upon?
Blindly trust in the pharma-biz, and trust in your doc.
Have faith in big business; replenish your stock.
No more regular worries’- you’re not a plebe.
And don’t listen when the poor folks say your soul has been thieved.
This is nearly as natural as God had intended~
why else would we provide
a way that your enbended introspection’s been untied??
My case has been stated and your comfortably convinced~~~
that being just ok in these days is actually the pits.
So be a good lass and an upstanding gent.
Pop this pill and lets all get crazy bent.
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